I have been quiet through a season of rebirth and new growth.
Moving over 1200 miles to relocate is no easy task. It takes uprooting, tearing away, and then replanting in new soil.
A soul must be strong.
A soul must understand isolation for a bit.
A soul must yearn for bold growth in the unknown more than it clings to the known.
So...
Into silence I went for a time.
And...
That is exactly what I did in December 2022. I uprooted my soul and my life in search of better, more, and deeper soil to grow in. My soul was yearning for more. More of something it was not finding. Or maybe yearning for something more after being totally trampled by the familiar.
We all have those moments when you realize it is time to change; to grow or search for growth. My realization came after years of hard work and dedication to my profession and relationships. These were shattered before me because apparently, I had not given enough.
Enough time.
Enough resources.
Enough soul.
It was never...enough.
In staring at the stark reflection of these truths before me; I decided it was time to grow beyond the familiar. It was time for a challenge and a time for renewal. There were so many things breaking and so many ends of candles burning that my soul was truly on fire. And not in a good cleansing spiritual fire, but in a tumultuous and agonizing one. And in that fire my son's soul was slowly beginning to burn.
My close family was burning as well. Years of neglect to self-care and relationships were evident. I decided the move will either give us good ground and fresh soil to rejuvenate, or it would at least make for a swift death to certain things which is always more merciful in my opinion.
Has the new fertile soil helped?
In some respects, yes, but in others it has uprooted more than expected. It has ripped bare things rather left well enough alone or wanted to be left alone. It has given me vision for what I thought was for what really is; in how I was raised, and the home I thought I had.
Is it a bad thing for my soul to see?
Absolutely not! It is good to see life for what it is and shatter those rose-colored glasses so that moving forward I understand where my naive soul made decisions years ago that has led to the necessity of this new beginning. It gives me appreciation for the growth I have encountered here and continue to see.
At night, however, I still sit in the large, dark quiet of a large living room or dining room with a cup of tea or coffee thinking of all the rags I have stripped off to offer up in silent prayer, and how many more I have yet to shed and burn as my midnight offering.
#findyourfrontier #writethefrontier #soulsearching #soulredeeming #spiritualhealth #emotionalhealth #beatpeace #lovelifeagain #thinkoffulfilment #goodground
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